Aniversário do hômi

Ontem foi aniversário do senhor do universo, o magnânimo, onipotente, o homem mais tcha-ram de todos os tempos: o Senhor Chuck Norris!

Ele fez 69 anos, o que significa que ele é mais novo que eu e você (você vai falar que é mentira? Eu não!).

Parabéns Chuck Norris! E por favor, não me dê um chute!

Evidente que falar de Chuck Norris e não falar sobre fatos sobre sua vida é considerado pecado capital. Segue, portanto, alguns fatos novos sobre Chuck Norris (em inglês, pois estou com preguiça de traduzir):

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn’t even in a bowling alley.